I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
