She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
