i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
