We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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