hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
