so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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