I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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