I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
