You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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