I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize