Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
