Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize