i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
