yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
