So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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