Can i not drive my cunt home
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
