apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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