I think my vagina is haunted
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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