The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
