and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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