Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize