I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
