Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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