At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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