She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
