you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
