We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
