You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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