Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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