her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
