Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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