Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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