How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
