I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
