No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
