i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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