i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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