Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
we made out on top of his cat.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
