I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
