She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
