How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
