god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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