the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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