i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
