let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
