A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
