This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
