roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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