the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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