Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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