god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
