Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
