A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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