My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
