Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My vagina is officially offended.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
