He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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