i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
