community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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