She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize