so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
