I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
