I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
