she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
