I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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