After last night, I could never be a politician.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
