why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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