Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
