There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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