By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
