ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
