i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
