if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
