too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
