Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
50% drunk capacity currently
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
