I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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