My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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