ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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