Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
