I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We have so much sex to catch up on
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize