***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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