You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
