he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
